Well, first things first. My dad is home from the hospital, phew! Apparently his pace maker was on the fritz.
I am feeling pretty bummed out about my weight loss. Originally, I lost 5 lbs in the first week...awesome right??? Well, the last few days that I have been weighing myself, I am back to my original weight! I don't understand why this is happening- I have been eating around 1,000-1,200 calories per day, which is a lot less than before. Could it be that my body is rebelling? I don't feel nearly as hungry and my cravings are minimal, so why am I back at the start line? If I am deemed a non responder I will lose my mind.
XOXO
GB
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
If anyone is reading...
Not too sure if anyone is actually reading this or not, lol. I think most of my page views are me!
Anyhow, my posts are going to be sporadic for a bit as I am dealing with family biz. My father is in the hospital with heart failure (weighing in at over 300lbs) so its no surprise. I just imagine what his life would be like without all the extra weight. He is basically non-ambulatory, sitting in his chair and watching tv all day. He has horrible diabetes, colon cancer and strokes. All of this could have been prevented. Please pray for him.
My weight will not be the death of me.
My weight will not be the death of me.
My weight will not be the death of me.
Things are going to change.
XOXO
GB
Anyhow, my posts are going to be sporadic for a bit as I am dealing with family biz. My father is in the hospital with heart failure (weighing in at over 300lbs) so its no surprise. I just imagine what his life would be like without all the extra weight. He is basically non-ambulatory, sitting in his chair and watching tv all day. He has horrible diabetes, colon cancer and strokes. All of this could have been prevented. Please pray for him.
My weight will not be the death of me.
My weight will not be the death of me.
My weight will not be the death of me.
Things are going to change.
XOXO
GB
Monday, October 14, 2013
Side effects revisited
This is a continuation of yesterday's post.
3. Sleep- this side effect has both a positive and negative aspect for me. On one hand, I am falling asleep fast and getting deep sleep. It generally takes me an hour of tossing before I pass out so I use this time I listen to an audio book ( Currently listening to "The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night"). Now that I'm on Belviq I pass right out before I can even plug in my headphones. Also, I've been having some lucid dreams, nothing scary, but weird. These are side effects that I can handle. Ok now on the other hand, I cannot for the life of me get out of bed on time. I used to wake up around 5:30 am to go walking and work on some stuff ( I run a small home based business). Now I'm lucky if I get up around 8:00. Saturday I slept until 10:00 and I never do that! I am wondering if I should take my second dosage earlier in the day? Any advice???
4. I see dead people- ok not really, but I thought I saw a man in my husbands closet. Whilst putting away his laundry, I screamed and about jumped out if my skin at the sight of one of his shirts lying faced forward across all his other clothes. I've also suspected there were spiders crawling across walls and I keep getting this creepy crawly feeling like something is walking across my arms. Spiders don't bother me so I don't know why they are the prime suspects of my hallucinations. Roaches, now that's a different story.
I will try to post some more about side effects tomorrow.
So today was not so great on the healthy food frontier. It's my husbands birthday today so the kids and I went to HEB this morning ( HEB is a Texas chain of grocierie stores) to get some items for his party. I was delighted to see that there were a billion samples and I basically grazed on them. I skipped breakfast so I don't feel too bad about this. I mostly had a few cheese samples and some crackers. I'm going to guess maybe 250 calories worth lol. Then we went to World Market and purchased quite a few Canadian food items. My husband is Canadian born from Polish and French desent. I decided to make a few things that he grew up eating that are not common in America. His two favorites were perogies and Tiger Tiger ( orange and licorice) ice cream. P. S the ice cream was a bitch to make. I also bought many candies and chips from his motherland. The kids bought him a Star Trek pez dispenser set and made some cards. It was a great night! I grazed on the perogies and ate some dill pickle chips. I'm guessing my caloric total for the day was under 1000 again but it was total junk food. I will try to behave tomorrow ;)
XOXO
GB
3. Sleep- this side effect has both a positive and negative aspect for me. On one hand, I am falling asleep fast and getting deep sleep. It generally takes me an hour of tossing before I pass out so I use this time I listen to an audio book ( Currently listening to "The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night"). Now that I'm on Belviq I pass right out before I can even plug in my headphones. Also, I've been having some lucid dreams, nothing scary, but weird. These are side effects that I can handle. Ok now on the other hand, I cannot for the life of me get out of bed on time. I used to wake up around 5:30 am to go walking and work on some stuff ( I run a small home based business). Now I'm lucky if I get up around 8:00. Saturday I slept until 10:00 and I never do that! I am wondering if I should take my second dosage earlier in the day? Any advice???
4. I see dead people- ok not really, but I thought I saw a man in my husbands closet. Whilst putting away his laundry, I screamed and about jumped out if my skin at the sight of one of his shirts lying faced forward across all his other clothes. I've also suspected there were spiders crawling across walls and I keep getting this creepy crawly feeling like something is walking across my arms. Spiders don't bother me so I don't know why they are the prime suspects of my hallucinations. Roaches, now that's a different story.
I will try to post some more about side effects tomorrow.
So today was not so great on the healthy food frontier. It's my husbands birthday today so the kids and I went to HEB this morning ( HEB is a Texas chain of grocierie stores) to get some items for his party. I was delighted to see that there were a billion samples and I basically grazed on them. I skipped breakfast so I don't feel too bad about this. I mostly had a few cheese samples and some crackers. I'm going to guess maybe 250 calories worth lol. Then we went to World Market and purchased quite a few Canadian food items. My husband is Canadian born from Polish and French desent. I decided to make a few things that he grew up eating that are not common in America. His two favorites were perogies and Tiger Tiger ( orange and licorice) ice cream. P. S the ice cream was a bitch to make. I also bought many candies and chips from his motherland. The kids bought him a Star Trek pez dispenser set and made some cards. It was a great night! I grazed on the perogies and ate some dill pickle chips. I'm guessing my caloric total for the day was under 1000 again but it was total junk food. I will try to behave tomorrow ;)
XOXO
GB
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Side Effects Include...
Tonight I am going to elaborate on a few of the side effects that I have experienced during my first four days on Belviq. I am also going to try to write down all of the things I am eating or craving (riveting stuff, I know). So here goes the aforementioned side effects:
1. Euphoria/Stress Reduction- This might be even better than the weight loss. I am the type of person who gets stressed out over minor things...things that aren't very important. For instance, the kids leave clothes, food and toys out constantly, no matter how many consequences or rewards I give them. I know this is normal behavior for many children, but I get really worked up and bent out of shape about it. I have noticed that while on Belviq, I feel like I can "let it go." Like its not that big of a problem and I can look past the mess. This is totally not normal for me. Another thing is that I am compulsively early to EVERYTHING. Not just a couple of minutes either...we're talking 30. I have such extreme anxiety about where I am going to sit at church or making sure I get the best seat or parking spot, totally lame. The last four days I have been the proverbial honey badger when it comes to being early. I showed up at the homeschool play date 45 minutes late. I dropped the kids of at their bible study late because I didn't feel ready to leave yet ( Ok I was 3 minutes late, but for me that's a big deal). Belviq seems to have taken away a burden that I've carried for so many years. I also walk around with a smile on my face! I have a really bad case of "resting bitch face," so when I'm smiling, I don't scare small children, ha! :) I am assuming all of this has to do with the increased serotonin levels I am getting from the pills, but you won't see me complaining!
2. Cravings- I can definitely see my food obsession/cravings drop off quite a bit. I had gotten to the point where I don't even realize that I'd eaten something because I do it so mindlessly. The tendency to just pop a cookie or a few chips in my mouth and not even register what I've done, is gone. Now I feel more accountable for what I eat and I'm craving healthy food. I open the fridge and look past my husbands sweets and grab the grapes. A cookie just doesn't appeal to me anymore...Its not gross or anything, but I feel like I have the willpower to say no. Belviq gives me the strength to look past the food addiction. Also, if my feelings are hurt or I am upset about something, I can deal with it in more productive ways than eating.
I will post more about side effects soon. In the meantime, here is my food intake for today.
I am guessing that this is around 1000 calories. I do not like to eat large meals, because it makes me sleepy and lazy so I typically graze on small stuff during the day. I guess my new outlook on food is working because I've lost 5 lbs in four days.
XOXO
GB
1. Euphoria/Stress Reduction- This might be even better than the weight loss. I am the type of person who gets stressed out over minor things...things that aren't very important. For instance, the kids leave clothes, food and toys out constantly, no matter how many consequences or rewards I give them. I know this is normal behavior for many children, but I get really worked up and bent out of shape about it. I have noticed that while on Belviq, I feel like I can "let it go." Like its not that big of a problem and I can look past the mess. This is totally not normal for me. Another thing is that I am compulsively early to EVERYTHING. Not just a couple of minutes either...we're talking 30. I have such extreme anxiety about where I am going to sit at church or making sure I get the best seat or parking spot, totally lame. The last four days I have been the proverbial honey badger when it comes to being early. I showed up at the homeschool play date 45 minutes late. I dropped the kids of at their bible study late because I didn't feel ready to leave yet ( Ok I was 3 minutes late, but for me that's a big deal). Belviq seems to have taken away a burden that I've carried for so many years. I also walk around with a smile on my face! I have a really bad case of "resting bitch face," so when I'm smiling, I don't scare small children, ha! :) I am assuming all of this has to do with the increased serotonin levels I am getting from the pills, but you won't see me complaining!
2. Cravings- I can definitely see my food obsession/cravings drop off quite a bit. I had gotten to the point where I don't even realize that I'd eaten something because I do it so mindlessly. The tendency to just pop a cookie or a few chips in my mouth and not even register what I've done, is gone. Now I feel more accountable for what I eat and I'm craving healthy food. I open the fridge and look past my husbands sweets and grab the grapes. A cookie just doesn't appeal to me anymore...Its not gross or anything, but I feel like I have the willpower to say no. Belviq gives me the strength to look past the food addiction. Also, if my feelings are hurt or I am upset about something, I can deal with it in more productive ways than eating.
I will post more about side effects soon. In the meantime, here is my food intake for today.
- Banana and two cups of coffee with sugar-free creamer for breakfast.
- Handful of grapes and 90 calorie pumpkin pie flavored yogurt for snack (this flavor is so gross, save yourself the money).
- Half a stick of celery with tablespoon of organic peanut butter plus a 90 calorie string cheese for lunch.
- Half a cup of vegetarian chili for dinner.
I am guessing that this is around 1000 calories. I do not like to eat large meals, because it makes me sleepy and lazy so I typically graze on small stuff during the day. I guess my new outlook on food is working because I've lost 5 lbs in four days.
XOXO
GB
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Is this Bitch on Belviq?
The short answer is "Hell Ya." Day three to be exact.
I made the decision to "Belviq Myself," last week after failed diet attempt number 847,926. I may be exaggerating... The number is probably closer to a million. Why did I decided to take a pill that affects my brain and has limited case studies? Well, honestly because I have little will power when it comes to food. I've struggled with this for-eva. I grew up in a family that glorified food like Jesus himself; my parents studied French cooking and we loved us some Julia Child (aka very rich calorie dense foods). My parents didn't spend much time with me, but when they did it was around the dinner table. I grew to associate food with love and comfort. So I became fat. Food was made of feelings and we all know how that scenario usually plays out.... Girl eats to comfort herself when picked on at school ( You should know I was quite a plump child and had a mild Caucasian afro and wore shirts depicting either metal bands or broadway musicals and and and and and... the list goes on). Basically the ratio was
me : food as bullies : me.
As this story goes---that shit went on until high school when I became a skinny sexy mofo, but still shy and insecure. All the sudden the boys who relentlessly tormented me wanted to take me out on a date and the girls who teased me (or in one case beat the crap out of me with a My Little Pony lunch box) invited me to parties... Like nothing happened. It's amazing how losing 40 lbs can transform other peoples views about you! You'll be pleased to know that I told these losers where they could stick it. I'm mean seriously!?! Like I'm going to befriend someone who tortured me so badly that I ate my lunch in the bathroom! GAW. I met my now husband in high school and we have been together ever since ( well there was that time we took a break, but whatever).
This leads me to now. Two kids and a big fat mortgage later, I'm back to my old flabby self. It's totally nobody's fault but my own- I know better to not comfort myself with food. I'm no longer a child, but I do it anyhow. My husband has become a stress ball of yelling and pointed fingers, so I show him who's boss by eating all the secret ice cream. I homeschool two boys who make water and oil look like BFF's so I go to the teachers lounge (a.k.a. the bathroom) and eat the secret frozen Girl Scout cookies. Ok ok I hide food in the freezer! Don't judge me lol! I've tried writing down all the food I eat in a journal and typically do well during the daytime, but by 6:00 I'm a cluster**** and fridge doesn't stand a chance. When I heard about Belviq, I was delighted to hear it didn't contain Phen-Phen. That stuff makes me a bitch on wheels. The side effects of Belviq so far are manageable, some are even awesome! I am hopeful that with Belviq I will no longer eat my feelings or hide from society. I long for people to see past my exterior to the awesome person I think I am. So far, Belviq is giving me the will power to change three decades of bad habits. I will update y'all with those side effects tomorrow and maybe weigh myself. We'll see.
Glum Betty
I made the decision to "Belviq Myself," last week after failed diet attempt number 847,926. I may be exaggerating... The number is probably closer to a million. Why did I decided to take a pill that affects my brain and has limited case studies? Well, honestly because I have little will power when it comes to food. I've struggled with this for-eva. I grew up in a family that glorified food like Jesus himself; my parents studied French cooking and we loved us some Julia Child (aka very rich calorie dense foods). My parents didn't spend much time with me, but when they did it was around the dinner table. I grew to associate food with love and comfort. So I became fat. Food was made of feelings and we all know how that scenario usually plays out.... Girl eats to comfort herself when picked on at school ( You should know I was quite a plump child and had a mild Caucasian afro and wore shirts depicting either metal bands or broadway musicals and and and and and... the list goes on). Basically the ratio was
me : food as bullies : me.
As this story goes---that shit went on until high school when I became a skinny sexy mofo, but still shy and insecure. All the sudden the boys who relentlessly tormented me wanted to take me out on a date and the girls who teased me (or in one case beat the crap out of me with a My Little Pony lunch box) invited me to parties... Like nothing happened. It's amazing how losing 40 lbs can transform other peoples views about you! You'll be pleased to know that I told these losers where they could stick it. I'm mean seriously!?! Like I'm going to befriend someone who tortured me so badly that I ate my lunch in the bathroom! GAW. I met my now husband in high school and we have been together ever since ( well there was that time we took a break, but whatever).
This leads me to now. Two kids and a big fat mortgage later, I'm back to my old flabby self. It's totally nobody's fault but my own- I know better to not comfort myself with food. I'm no longer a child, but I do it anyhow. My husband has become a stress ball of yelling and pointed fingers, so I show him who's boss by eating all the secret ice cream. I homeschool two boys who make water and oil look like BFF's so I go to the teachers lounge (a.k.a. the bathroom) and eat the secret frozen Girl Scout cookies. Ok ok I hide food in the freezer! Don't judge me lol! I've tried writing down all the food I eat in a journal and typically do well during the daytime, but by 6:00 I'm a cluster**** and fridge doesn't stand a chance. When I heard about Belviq, I was delighted to hear it didn't contain Phen-Phen. That stuff makes me a bitch on wheels. The side effects of Belviq so far are manageable, some are even awesome! I am hopeful that with Belviq I will no longer eat my feelings or hide from society. I long for people to see past my exterior to the awesome person I think I am. So far, Belviq is giving me the will power to change three decades of bad habits. I will update y'all with those side effects tomorrow and maybe weigh myself. We'll see.
Glum Betty
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